It’s okay not to be okay

My adjustment to Trumplandia has been difficult at best. I’ve watched my friends lose hope, march, and become incensed by the swift changes surrounding us. It only took 2 days in this new world before I ended up in the “Mental Health Access Centre” in a local ER because I just couldn’t stop the panic attacks and I just wanted to die. 

Before I went though, I had the foresight to shut down my Facebook. It’s been difficult to not see the posts of people I care deeply about, but the drama is so triggering and everyone is either telling me to “get over it” or that the world is about to explode into Nazi Germany and because I am in multiple targeted groups it is my absolute duty to fight. 

No. It isn’t. If I were emotionally strong enough, I would fight. The rage I feel could power a thousand suns and I know that, but I am not emotionally capable of this fight. It’s the reason I need others to fight for me. I need people who aren’t emotionally unable to fight and who have the strength to fight to actually protest. I need to avoid the news because it frightens me. I need to be reassured. But mostly, I need people to stop demanding my presence in the rebellion. I feel guilty for not fighting, but I read and I share my ideas and I silently fight in my own way and through others. 

I am not okay, but I am okay with that… for now.

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